It is in the roots, not the branches, that a tree’s greatest strength lies – Matshona Dhliwayo
Here is the story of my experience trying to remove a tree stump from my backyard. Let me start by mentioning this was my first time dealing with such a situation.
A few months ago, we decided to do some backyard renovations. In order to make room for a patio extension, we had to remove a Crepe Myrtle tree that was smack dab in the middle of the area where we had to pour concrete.
I told my wife with a confident tone to not worry about hiring someone to remove the tree and that me, the man of the house, the defender, the mighty protector, would take care of it. I purchased a chain saw, and one morning I walked up to the tree, revving the chainsaw, like all lumberjacks do, and let the roaring sound echo in the air. I wore a sleeveless shirt and made sure I was sweating just enough to maximize the dramatic effect. I used the chainsaw and cut the tree down. I felt great. It was a moment where my man card was glowing and vibrating. Okay, enough of that scene. The tree was cut. I told myself the hard part was over, and now all I had to do was remove the stump.
I dug around the stump a little, and, for some reason, the more I dug around it, the bigger the tree stump got. It was weird. I imagined this stump to be a little bigger than the slender Crepe Myrtle trunk, but that did not seem to be the case. It was like the roots were so much bigger than the tree itself. I kept digging the dirt around the tree, and it hit me that the root system was probably as big as the tree itself and much deeper than I initially thought. This revelation was shocking. With a deep sigh and an overwhelming feeling of defeat, I sat down next to the stump, wondering how in the world I could complete this task. Deep down, I knew that this fight between the tree stump and I would end one way and one way only, yet I still tried to push the stump with my foot, kicked it a couple of times, and used my perceived strong arms to attempt to shake it. But… nothing. The stump was so deeply rooted in the ground with lots of branches that varied in size. I couldn't move it. I walked back inside the house feeling conquered.
If a tree has strong roots, not even the strongest hands can pluck it from where it stands – Matshona Dhliwayo
The next day was a fresh start. I came to the task at hand with a clear head and a new approach. So, I sat down next to the stump and used an electric saw to cut the branches one by one. I figured this would be the first step, to starve it, so little by little, it would lose its strength. It took me hours, and after three days of work, I started to see a small dent in cutting down the root branches away from the center. I was surprised with the degree of complexity and intertwining of the branches and how big and spread out they were under the ground. Who would have known all this existed underground?!! I surely didn’t. I realized in order to disconnect all the intertwined branches; I would have to take the time to cut them one branch at a time. At the end of the third day, I decided it made sense to start pulling the stump, thinking I could pull it out, but again it did not move. I was shocked and frustrated, and I even said some words I stopped using in high school. I tried to figure out what was holding it to the ground. Then I realized there were so many other branches and roots that were straight under the stump. I lost hope and walked back inside the house, questioning my life decisions.
A couple of weeks went by, and finally, I was ready to tackle that stump that seemed to be made of concrete. Just looking at it, it looked different. It changed. It looked ill. It looked weak. It’s hard to put into words what exactly was different, but it gave me the vibe of dying and fading away. I hadn’t done anything to it in a couple of weeks, so I was surprised at the organic transformation. Excited at the potential of walking away as a winner, I start shaking that dying stump. I thought I could remove it, but I still couldn't. It was then that I gave up; I finally caved and called a professional company. They came out and used chainsaws, shovels, and garden hoes to take care of that stump. They removed all the branches around it and made it look like there was no tree there and only a hole to fill with dirt, then concrete poured over it.
To destroy people, you must first sever their roots – Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
Time went by, and one day I woke up early and made my coffee, then went outside and stood over the area where the tree was (now concrete) and started reflecting on what that experience could have taught me about life. I have realized some important life lessons from removing a stump; I will share them with you:
This experience brought up the importance and consequences of being integrated into a healthy community. So, I want you to start transforming the story with its details from that perspective for the next part of the chapter. In this story, you and I will be the tree, a full-grown Crepe Myrtle tree. What people see is everything but the root system. People will see what’s above the ground like your trunk, and the bigger and stronger it is, the more compliments you will receive. Your branches and beautiful flowers can be seen at a distance. People come close to you and sometimes stand under your branches, leaves, and flowers to enjoy the shade and scenery. While you are enjoying what everyone can see above the ground, you have a root system underground, a foundation that enabled you to become that 15-foot tree, and your strength solely comes from the degree of complexity and connectivity of your root system.
Your root system is composed of your family, community, friends, and other sources or outlets that collectively provide you strength. Imagine if there are outside forces that intend to weaken and destroy you. They know if they come straight to your stem, they won't be able to remove you from the ground no matter how many storms, wind, shaking, kicking, and punching your stump gets. Nothing will defeat you if you have a strong root system.
But wait, does everyone have a strong root system? Can I purchase one? Is it possible to make a radical life transformation and get a brand-new root system to withstand all this? The answer is no. Well, yes and no. You can decide to align your life around healthy family members, community, friends, and outlets (like healthy habits), but time is the most expensive catalyst you can't buy. Only time spent will allow you to build that strong system. It takes time. It takes effort. It takes determination and consistency. You will have to constantly test your environment to ensure it is healthy and nurture it to grow. It all happens underground, so many people give up because the unhealthy outlets sometimes seem so vibrant and lucrative. Believe me when I say the time invested in improving your mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical health will pay off because all those branches start to intertwine and continue to produce healthy substances to feed your stump. By incorporating healthy people (family, friends, and so on...) into your root system, you will create a more robust, more complex root system that is harder to break. Now your stump is powerful and looks healthy and vibrant. This is such a good, encouraging, and motivating paragraph. Isn’t it?! Alright, let me add some drama in the next section.
WARNING - Sarcasm might be included in the next section. Reader discretion is advised.
Sometimes I meet people that remind me of the weathered stump, suffering in pain. On the surface, they might seem to have good things going for them, such as a good job, money, a nice house, and a lot of family members and friends around them all the time. Have you met someone like this? Or are YOU the weathering stump, and you don’t know why? Okay, let's talk more and see if there is hope for you or not.
Remember how the healthy stump turned into a weathered, dying one? Well, it didn’t directly attack the stump to begin with. Instead, it started by gradually cutting off the branches, one by one. In the beginning, the stump doesn't care if you cut branches slowly. It is strong and feeds off the branches for so long; it has some internal storage. This is how unhealthy and toxic people or habits are introduced in your life. At first, you don't think much about it, and you don’t really suffer any damage because you are in control of those toxic outlets … or are you?
As time passes, more and more healthy branches are cut off, but who cares? You are strong, right? You can withstand anything. These Unhealthy Toxic Outlets (I'll start calling them UTOs) are happening underground, so no one can really see them. You enjoy the gratification of those who compliment you on your red and beautiful roses and nice, healthy trunk above ground. You are taking all this in, and who cares about the stump and any UTOs. Have you ever heard the story of the Boiling Frog, or others call it the Boiling Frog Syndrome? If yes, continue with me, and if not, STOP and Google it. I can't teach you everything… smh.
Now the tsunami hits, and you suddenly realize you are sick, anxious, sad, depressed, unhappy, ungrateful, and that glow about you is not there anymore. Maybe the outside, what appears above ground, is the same, but your root system is infested with UTOs. It has been happening for so long, but you are looking for a switch you can flip to get back to the “Before-UTO” version of yourself. Yeah, it doesn’t work this way. I wish it did. You are not looking for a switch, because a switch does not exist. Stay with me, and I will tell you what you need. But before we move forward, I need you to stop and do this.
I need you to access your preconscious state to take the time to search if you have any UTOs. Here is what you need to do. Find your favorite music playlist where you easily disconnect from your conscious state (I have several like a Bryan Adams’ playlist on Pandora), make yourself a drink (coffee, wine, water, alcohol, or a cocktail), find a spot (backyard, home office, toilet, bed, or even in the shower), and finally give yourself some time to get into that state of mind. Start asking yourself questions about how you used to feel and what changed and discern your emotions at certain life moments.
Did it work? Did you find your UTOs? Or maybe you thought of someone that has a weathering and dying stump? Or a loved one that is deep into UTOs? Are you going to share this article with them? Quickly do it now, and let's keep going. I promise it will get better.
Congratulations on performing your self-discovery session on finding your UTOs! Now, it is time to start working on the detox process. Did you notice that? I used the word "process." Yeah, it is not a switch, my friend, but a dial. A dial is the process of dialing down something and dialing up something else. A process. Not a switch … oh, and it takes time. A switch is an instant action with an on and off function. Usually, those changes are unsustainable, and they won't last. Here is why I chose a dial. My idea is to turn the dial down to UTOs while turning it up on healthy outlets. That way, you take the pressure off yourself, so if you fall back on a UTO in the process, it is not a sign of failure because you assumed the switch was
"off" and wasted time asking why it happened and risk giving up. With a dial, you know you might fall back, but it is a part of the process, and you need to continue to turn up that dial on healthy outlets and as low as possible to UTOs. Then give it time and spread some essential seasonings on it like desire, discipline, and consistency.
It is not going to be easy. You will have to make tough decisions and end relationships you don't want to end. I am about to drop a cliché on you right now. Ready? It is not going to be easy, but it is going to be worth it. People will criticize you for changing, and you will have to make life changes that make you look like an outlier to your UTOs. Well, my friend, choose ROI over EGO. Your future ROI (Return on Investment) is much more beneficial to you than your current EGO.
I have enjoyed going through this journey with you, and I hope you have found this beneficial to you or someone you love. Before we go separate ways back to reality, make sure to subscribe so I can connect with you and notify you of future content. Bye for now!